Two years ago I went to my aunt and uncle's house outside of Philly. They are upper middle class, intimidating, nice-looking people that tend to make me feel less than I am.
I find that when I become insecure (and I was extremely insecure at that time) I become cynical, sarcastic, and defensive. I'm sure my younger self believed I was being cool, but I've come to dislike the aloof, gloomy personalities that roam the earth. My great cousins that I looked up to weren't able to like me; and it's my fault because of my snarky facade.
Imagine terribly dry, utterly stupid side comments from an unathletic person to an athletic person during a game of ping-pong. Yeah. That bad.
In my first post you probably saw that I really did seem to look downwards. Maybe a part of me favors dark humor, or was trying to show humility. Truth is, I don't know who I am, and I'm sure I never truly will. That's not a bad thing, and acceptance is what I've come to. However, I feel like like giving people a bad impression of yourself when there is so much more is not worth it. Everyone deserves to know just how bright a ray of sunshine you are.
I get to see my cousins again this Sunday. I am such a different person now, and I feel a lot more aware of my surroundings. It will be a brief meeting, but totally worth it because of how I am able to handle myself. Others say that no one's opinions matter but your own. I adhere more to "each person is responsible for how the world sees them". Opinions do matter; you can just let them help you or harm you.
Let them help! Because honestly . . . they do.
(If I use "I" too much, sorry, working on that)
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