Judgement

The best days on earth are the ones when you are not denied of your beliefs. One can believe they are smart, and nothing comes about to contradict that overwhelming comfort. One can believe they are attractive, a thought that allows a person to advance socially with glorious confidence. One can believe they are talented, witty, funny, romantic, athletic, musical, direct, welcoming, and even plain old nice when their belief remains unchallenged.

So why challenge any human over how they believe themselves to be?

No person should be denied the right to feel any of the characteristics that I listed above. It's not right, not ethical, not smart, not funny, and just down right MEAN to hurt a person's feelings. Why do they deserve to have happiness stripped from them? Why do they deserve to be judged until they are nothing more than a sack of water and carbon rambling over the dirt?

The answer: they don't.

No one does.

And the cruelty of people rubs off on others. Words chosen by chance and with absolute carelessness are thrown around all the time. If you are like me, I am sorry. Because you hear all of the nastiness; directed towards you or not.

Dude, look at her thighs move!

That kid's going to end up a deadbeat. You can tell he didn't do any research at all.

Why would someone even do that to their hair?!

She's only in the band because they needed more players.

Why does he talk like his mouth is full of marbles?

She tries way too hard.

That kid's an asshole. He messes everything up.

Yeah, people? Why don't you listen some time. Learn from your surroundings.

That girl loves her body. She lost ten pounds since summer.

That kid has other passions, passions that he devotes himself to! He's going to be an artist.

She did it to make herself feel pretty.

She practiced for an hour every day until the audition. She worked her ass off to make the cut.

He has a speech disorder, and he's not going to let it keep him from being the best rhetoric in class.

She wants to prove herself.

That kid is madly in love with the girl across the room, and he can't get her out of his head.




. . . Cruelty rubs off. It makes me hate people that I usually want to respect. The most esteemed in my mind make these mistakes and come crumbling down from their perches. But the world has come to a different conclusion: Judge, because everyone does it.

It's really, truly sad.

Next time you feel happy, feel unified, too. Know that someone else is happy and deserves to be that way. Protect that belief in intelligence and beauty and ingenuity, and let it prosper towards the future.

Good night xx

Puzzling.

I am having an extremely philosophical day . . . so what shall I do? I have to do homework, practice my instrument, check out some websites, finish SAT prep shit, and make sure my chores are done. Who has time for tangible tasks when your mind doesn't want to stay home, but climb mountains and dive into depths of the ocean?

Everything is a puzzle piece in your life, correct? Some are infinitesimally small and others are key stones and corners that hold together everything else. Others are lost in the infinite middle . . .
A few days ago we lost a boy. He was someone I never personally knew and had never even been closer than ten feet from. Yet he held a sort of esteem in my mind, for each time he passed by (at band competitions and foot ball games, he was from a nearby high school) his friends would begin to chant his name, and would participate in this. He would turn aroung and give us a large grin and an over-the-top wave. This boy was worth cheering for  . . . why is he gone?
I cried. I must admit that I did. I don't cry. I didn't know him well. But it felt like a natural and very appropriate response. It felt right.
I was at county band, and his empty chair sat directly in front of me. I tied teal ribbon around my horn for remembrance. And I becoming blissfully encouraged that evey day has meaning that only few people tap into. We grow and learn and die, and that is all that is written in stone.

I have been going through a period of awareness that I am profoundly single. Is this the right thing to talk about after the gravity of my prior subject? I think yes. People need people, among other necessities, especially when they have too many thoughts to hold in. I have been in a stage of little emotion for too long now. Holding in my feelings makes me safe and bland for the most part, but it also makes me unstable to new stimuli. I heard a new song (new to me) that seemed to strike and leave me breathless and overwhelmed. I was on a bus listening to it for the fourth time when it slammed into me. I felt like I was being dragged into a tumultuous vacuum of thoughts.
There was no way out.
I did not want out.
I allowed myself to be swept away and into it. I nearly cried out. Tears pricked my eyes. Fear and consistent chills gripped my spine. Numbingly soft, the simple lyrics painted worlds I'd never known existed across my mind and body.
Who am I?
I asked.
What do I do?
I asked.
How does anything ever make sense?
I sobbed.
My head rolls back on my neck now just recollecting. Soft silence fills my bedroom. I feel dizzy and awake and tired and aware.
What in hell am I waiting for?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
.
.
.
.
//The Blower's Daughter- Damien Rice//

worte.

Words . . . words are everything. Words can make you love, cry, dream, smile, laugh, or simply sigh in relief. Try it now.

sigh.

See, words made you do that. They can be direct; utterly straightforward and commanding of your attention. They can be simple, easy to understand, delivering a smooth message. Or, they can be as intricate as lace or the veins under your skin. These are the enunciations that you have to pull apart in strands to even begin to understand. These are the words that are most beautiful when unintentional.

Flowers in frail, frail bloom as gods trod the dusty sky
Their footprints malevolent, their footprints kind
Denying their truth, denying your faith
None ring truer than their footprints on my mind.

Sometimes you don't even have to make sense with them. All you need to do is be intelligent.

I think the most painful moments of my life involve words. They are as follows.

1. Having to keep words in.
I hate secrets. I mean, I keep half of my world to myself, and I understand intimacy and secrets to help people. But I always think that truth is the best aid to any situation. Words are malleable, and they can bend in your palms until they suit your need. I love people and I love their feelings and I love their problems. Truth is not painful or scary if you can use your words to help them through it. Keeping information in only harms, especially if you have the ability to move around it.

2. Not having any words at all.
You know when you have a lot to say, and everything is right there in your brain to pull out and use, but you just can't get to it? Och, it's excrutiating. It makes my hands want to shake and form fists. My stomach clenches and my cheeks flush pink. A lot of times it's a reaction for a particular stimulus, but cognitive thinking is just to simple to start a simple conversation isn't it? It's killer.

3. Not being able to make people understand.
I live for breakthroughs. Other people have realizations when they are told in a way that is natural to them. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. But it works; and that's what matters.

Farewell, dear reader
Our time has come too soon.
No number of goodbyes
Could sink the approaching moon.
Oh me, oh my
I do believe I'm in a bind.
I didn't expect to care
About a pair of eyes far,
Far away in the dusky air.

Night:)

Keep in Time.

I think I forget too much. I have halves of myself that I get lost in and wherever my mind is is the only place I think about. As soon as a new obsession comes along, I dive in headfirst and become wrapped up in the joys of fandoms, OTPs, characters, and too many words. These fictional people and places swallow everything I am and everything I do.

If this is you, don't let that happen. Being too wrapped up in tv shows, movies, or books can be dangerous if you believe in them too much. Obsessions can keep you from people and things that really mean something. By immersing yourself in a frivolous joy, you can miss out on a happiness that is more real than anything you see on tumblr, instagram, or netflix . . .

Enjoy it. Have your loves, but don't let them stop you from missing out on greater loves than those.

That's What I Am

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace

In the movie That's What I Am, there are many plotlines, though they all seem to revolve around this. There is no better way to put it, and no better way I'd wish to. It's beautiful and simple and so entirely true. Four words have never made so much sense in my life.

There is Stanley, a crazy tall boy with big ears and ginger hair and an incredible mind, and the people around him cannot seem to even fathom how much worth this boy has. Kids are cruel, and "Big G" bears a ton and a half of their wrath.

There is Andy, the eighth-grader paired with his outcast peer for a project, and consequentially learns a lot about having the balls to stand up to bullies, and what true friendship is.

There is Mr. Simon, the favorite teeacher accused of being a homosexual after his wife passed away. He is intelligent and wise and put together in a way that all humans should wish to be.

This movie makes me want to spread the word of it like an evangelist. Watch this and be chilled and warmed and overjoyed. Be filled to the brim with understanding and realization. Gasp at the wonders and symbolism held within. Be amazed at the truth you never knew there was.

Besides being deep, it has the cutest little scenes. It takes place in the fifties, and the clothing and culture make it all too irresistable. And I must say, it contains one of my favorite movie kisses of all time. Quite adorable.

Ed Harris is remarkable. He walks around in his bowties and loafers. You want to know this man in real life.

Chase Ellison is the most believable, most convincing eighth-grader I have ever seen; yet he retains this blessed openmindedness that is not present elsewhere.

And finally, Alexander Walters. I was sad to find out that this actor does not have big ears and ginger hair in real life; however, his all too real baritone voice is one I could listen to for years to come. He makes you pity and sympathize and cringe and then smile and and jump up and whoop in joy. His role, significant yet simple, waters a blossom of gaeity in my heart. I can't help but grin while reading this.

So, any reader I am grateful to have, I give this to you as a gift. Do with it what you may. I am good at selling, I think, but I don't want to give you wrong ideas. Watch the movie for yourself. Judge away. Be disappointed, be happy. Learn something, maybe. But always remember:

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.

Cynics Anonymous

Two years ago I went to my aunt and uncle's house outside of Philly. They are upper middle class, intimidating, nice-looking people that tend to make me feel less than I am.

I find that when I become insecure (and I was extremely insecure at that time) I become cynical, sarcastic, and defensive. I'm sure my younger self believed I was being cool, but I've come to dislike the aloof, gloomy personalities that roam the earth. My great cousins that I looked up to weren't able to like me; and it's my fault because of my snarky facade.

Imagine terribly dry, utterly stupid side comments from an unathletic person to an athletic person during a game of ping-pong. Yeah. That bad.

In my first post you probably saw that I really did seem to look downwards. Maybe a part of me favors dark humor, or was trying to show humility. Truth is, I don't know who I am, and I'm sure I never truly will. That's not a bad thing, and acceptance is what I've come to. However, I feel like like giving people a bad impression of yourself when there is so much more is not worth it. Everyone deserves to know just how bright a ray of sunshine you are.

I get to see my cousins again this Sunday. I am such a different person now, and I feel a lot more aware of my surroundings. It will be a brief meeting, but totally worth it because of how I am able to handle myself. Others say that no one's opinions matter but your own. I adhere more to "each person is responsible for how the world sees them".  Opinions do matter; you can just let them help you or harm you.

Let them help! Because honestly . . . they do.

(If I use "I" too much, sorry, working on that)

hello from the gray side of the moon.

I'm new to blogging. I beg for a period of acceptance. Please? Please? Okay.

Pardon me, I keep pressing the delete button.

I guess I will say hello. A few people I know have blogs, and a blog seems like an appropriate outlet for all of my thoughts that are too awkward to actually say aloud and sarcasm that only appears when I don't need it at all. Ha.

My name (ahem, pen name) is Alyssa Creideann. Creideann is Gaelic for "believes", so in fact my name is Alyssa Believes; and at this point in my life, I'm not sure how correct that is . . .

I'm the most indecisive person you will ever meet, which makes me the simplest person you will ever meet. In fact, it is the precise people that are the most complicated. Their methods and choices are always the same, with the shiniest little details that must be perfect. Perfection leaves barely any room for wonder, freedom, and future. And those, dear reader, are the lifeblood of mankind.

Yes, I am female; no, I like boys; no, I have had a boyfriend; yes, I do not have a boyfriend now.

Who would've guessed, right?

You don't have to laugh. it wasn't a joke.

But that doesn't stop me from being all-knowing. I see a lot more than I let on.

That is what I will blog about, I think. What I see, what I make of it, and how a human being can learn from it. I'm torn between ungodly genius and blissful unintelligence, so don't mind me. That just means I'm telling the truth.