Cynics Anonymous

Two years ago I went to my aunt and uncle's house outside of Philly. They are upper middle class, intimidating, nice-looking people that tend to make me feel less than I am.

I find that when I become insecure (and I was extremely insecure at that time) I become cynical, sarcastic, and defensive. I'm sure my younger self believed I was being cool, but I've come to dislike the aloof, gloomy personalities that roam the earth. My great cousins that I looked up to weren't able to like me; and it's my fault because of my snarky facade.

Imagine terribly dry, utterly stupid side comments from an unathletic person to an athletic person during a game of ping-pong. Yeah. That bad.

In my first post you probably saw that I really did seem to look downwards. Maybe a part of me favors dark humor, or was trying to show humility. Truth is, I don't know who I am, and I'm sure I never truly will. That's not a bad thing, and acceptance is what I've come to. However, I feel like like giving people a bad impression of yourself when there is so much more is not worth it. Everyone deserves to know just how bright a ray of sunshine you are.

I get to see my cousins again this Sunday. I am such a different person now, and I feel a lot more aware of my surroundings. It will be a brief meeting, but totally worth it because of how I am able to handle myself. Others say that no one's opinions matter but your own. I adhere more to "each person is responsible for how the world sees them".  Opinions do matter; you can just let them help you or harm you.

Let them help! Because honestly . . . they do.

(If I use "I" too much, sorry, working on that)

hello from the gray side of the moon.

I'm new to blogging. I beg for a period of acceptance. Please? Please? Okay.

Pardon me, I keep pressing the delete button.

I guess I will say hello. A few people I know have blogs, and a blog seems like an appropriate outlet for all of my thoughts that are too awkward to actually say aloud and sarcasm that only appears when I don't need it at all. Ha.

My name (ahem, pen name) is Alyssa Creideann. Creideann is Gaelic for "believes", so in fact my name is Alyssa Believes; and at this point in my life, I'm not sure how correct that is . . .

I'm the most indecisive person you will ever meet, which makes me the simplest person you will ever meet. In fact, it is the precise people that are the most complicated. Their methods and choices are always the same, with the shiniest little details that must be perfect. Perfection leaves barely any room for wonder, freedom, and future. And those, dear reader, are the lifeblood of mankind.

Yes, I am female; no, I like boys; no, I have had a boyfriend; yes, I do not have a boyfriend now.

Who would've guessed, right?

You don't have to laugh. it wasn't a joke.

But that doesn't stop me from being all-knowing. I see a lot more than I let on.

That is what I will blog about, I think. What I see, what I make of it, and how a human being can learn from it. I'm torn between ungodly genius and blissful unintelligence, so don't mind me. That just means I'm telling the truth.