Obsession rhymes with Depression

Have you ever given yourself over to something, or become obsessed?

I have. The majority of my friends have. I would say that every single person I interact with on tumblr or instagram has. It's incredible.

I love TV shows and movies and books and music and pictures. I live for media. It swallows my up every day, as I keep up with shows on Hulu, watch old ones on Netflix, live blog on Tumblr, make fan art on Polyvore, and post and search for pictures on Instagram. These shows make me feel, as they are meant to. The entire point of a TV show is to have viewers, and to get them you have to give to them. You know what they give me? Hope. Pure unadultered lust for a better, exciting life. They give me oppertunities to feel when my life doesn't. And honestly, that's wonderful sometimes. I love to feel. Having feelings is the best.

But this often harms my already perilous mental stability. My anxiety and dread turns into depression. I see nothing but gray clouds, even when looking at a blue sky. It makes my ups short and high and my downs long and painful.

I came to an epiphany today. I read The Silver Linings Playbook, a truly beautiful book. I finished it in about five hours, which is pretty good because I have major focus issues. After finishing it, I was happy. I was full of incredible passion. I realized that I was holding so many of my own feelings.

I realized that I can be better than any fictional character. I have held more joy in my heart than any of the ones that are played by actors. I feel ups and downs and you can touch me and my skin is warm and alive and I don't script my stupid words, I THINK of my stupid words. I'm purely me and I can have breakthroughs and be anything I want and still remain as I am. I don't need an author to change my life and give me friends and adventures. I can do all of that myself.

I can be conscious of my happiness.

And so can any other person who feeds off of BBC and SyFy and USA. Because they are not characters. They are more dynamic than any John Green romance or Harry Potter plot twist or Supernatural death. They can recognize beauty and reality in their lives, too. It really is possible.

Songs to listen to, cause I want to.

//You Get What You Give // New Radicals//
//Washed by the Water // Needtobreathe//